Soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines! Are you aiming to get into a hot new fad/insane death cult? Are you thinking about looking like you’re exercising, however not truly exercising? CrossFit might be for you!

You should understand that doing CrossFit is not like your regular exercise. Here are some ideas to help you quickly accustom into the physical fitness program’s unique culture.

1. You require to have a pre-workout drink. Get a clear plastic cup with a metal shaking ball and blend a huge ol’ batch of Muscle Milk, Protein Shot, Crea-Splode, or Kentucky Headache BroYoke Mix. Add a shot of bullshark semen to get that additional kick.

2. Use appropriate little as possible. Male, wear Ranger Panties and ideally no t-shirt, but if you do use a shirt, make it as moto as possible– something from Grunt Design, Inkfidel, or RangerUp about slaying bodies or something. Ladies, use a small sports bra that reveals whatever but your nipples, and shorts that are so small that individuals can actually see inside your butthole– however keep in mind to grimace intensely at any guy you catch inspecting you out!

And everyone, remember, knee-high, vibrantly colored (ideally mismatched) socks are a must.

3. Usage weights that LOOK like they are hundred pounders, but are in actuality just 35s. This will make you feel extremely yoked without having to actually build muscle.

4. Pay zero attention to form. If you’re stressed over proper kind, you’re refraining from doing it right, and you’re probably gay and a commie. Why do you dislike America?

5. When carrying out the workouts, lift with your back, not your legs, and make sure to use wrenching, jerking movements instead of smooth extensions. We’re not making a calendar here– we’re making YOU fucking YOKED!

6. At the end of each set, throw the weights down like you rage at the floor. A correct last associate is just total when the bar and weights have actually penetrated through the flooring into the upper mantle of the tectonic plate.

7. Make certain you do not call it a “health club.” True CrossFit can just be done at a “box.” They may be totally the same, however they’re not the very same. Calling your CrossFit box a “fitness center” is a sure way to out yourself as a n00b.

9. Wear those little gloves with the fingertips cut off like you’re Michael Jackson in the BAD video, even if all you’re doing is wall balls, burpees and rowing. Since swole motherfuckers need to keep their hands soft and fragile. It’s for when you’re jacking off your swole brothers in the locker space. I INDICATE UH, IT’S FOR BETTER GRIP. ON BIG VEINY DI– UH, ON THE WEIGHTS.

10. Constantly speak about CrossFit. Discuss it at work, at school, at church, while eating, pooping, driving, during coitus, and when called upon to testify before the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence.

With these fast pointers, you’re ready to hit the box and do your programming and get an excellent time on enjoyable Workouts Of The Day, which have names such as Fran, Horace, and Emilio Estevez, which completely isn’t strange.


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